10 Ways to be the Most Annoying Passenger on the Plane Plus 31 Days of Giveaways – Day 7
If you’re already on Santa’s naughty list this year and you’re thinking you may as well go for broke, here are some helpful tips to boost you up a notch by being the most annoying passenger on the plane.
I’m not talking dangerous here, where fits of insanity prompt flight attendants to restrain passengers in their seats and turn them over to local authorities upon arrival.
Nope, this is just good ol’ annoying, the sort where other passengers shoot you death looks or roll their eyes which is really just code for admiration.
Here are 10 great tips on how to be the most annoying passenger on the plane –
1. There’s no need to wait until you’re on the plane to be an annoying passenger. Surprised? You can start before you’ve even boarded! Position yourself as close to the boarding door as possible, the earlier the better. 30 minutes or even an hour is good. Stand tall, so other travelers will start to notice you and wonder if you might be an annoying passenger. If there’s a place where the boarding line will start, be at the very front. See the group numbers on your boarding pass? Disregard those. It doesn’t matter if your boarding pass says group 2 or 9, when they announce boarding you should be right next to the agent to give them your boarding pass. They’ll be so impressed that you weren’t holding back like the masses that they’ll usually board you right away.
2. Don’t put your roller bag in the overhead above your seat, just take the first available overhead bin. Move bags from other passengers into different bins if needed so yours is nearest the front. Make sure to put your coat up there too, and your second bag too. If enough other passengers took the time to do this, there might not be any more overhead bin space left near where passengers are sitting. Then it could get fun for the flight attendants to figure out the puzzle of where the bags go and more bags might get checked at the end, for free! Plus, since everyone will be sitting for a long time on the plane, it gives passengers near the front some extra exercise when they have to go backwards to get their bag before getting off the aircraft.
3. Once you settle in your seat, recline it immediately. If you’re asked to put it up for take-off or meal service, they’re just checking to make sure the hardware is functioning. Put it back again quickly, without looking behind you. If possible, use a knee extender device on the seat in front of you so the flight attendants get a pop quiz on what to do when seats don’t recline.
4. Leave your window shade all the way open when the sun shines just so, right inside the cabin. Fall asleep immediately for a nap and snore loudly with your mouth wide open. People don’t really want to be working on their laptops or watching movies anyhow, and would much rather see the brilliance of the giant orb in the sky trace a path across their tray table and then onto their faces. If the flight attendant closes your window shade for any reason, open it back up again right away. Extra points when you do this on a flight where people are pretending to sleep next to you. They’re just bored and if you open your windows they can help the pilots check for bogeys out the window.
5. If you have a young child travelling with you, there’s no need to bring any books or toys to keep them occupied. This is your time to relax and let the flight attendants and other passengers take care of them. Kicking the seat in front will soothe a young tyke, and they can run off some steam in the nearby aisle or galley. As a treat, slip them some sugar cubes or pixy sticks.
6. Talk loudly, to everyone you can. This is your big chance! You’ve got a captive audience for however long the flight lasts. Tell your seatmate the entire story of your great aunt’s last 3 hip x-rays, surgery, and don’t leave out any details. Make sure your voice is loud enough so that people several rows away don’t miss out. If they stop responding, that just means they are eager to hear more. Discuss the nuances of the paint colors you are deliberating over for the bathroom or talk about your ingrown toenail. If your seatmate falls asleep, strike up lively conversations with those around the restrooms. Laugh loudly too. Most people get nervous when they fly so the louder you laugh the more you’ll put others at ease.
7. Drink as much free booze you can before the flight, and continue the drinking onboard. Spill a little on a fellow passenger or the floor to show your appreciation. Get angry at the flight attendant or break a glass if they cut you off at some point.
8. When you get up to use the restroom, always grab on to the seat in front of you and yank to pull yourself up. As you stroll down the aisle, make sure to touch each subsequent seat headrest and push down lightly. It’s the airplane version of “Duck, Duck,…Goose!†and if passengers are sleeping it helps get them stay sharp.
9. Share some thoughtful aromas with other passengers. Their taste buds are dulled at 37,000 feet, so the least you can do is provide a delicately scented cloud for others to enjoy. Paint your nails, eat garlic, pass gas profusely and don’t wear deodorant. If you accidentally put on deodorant, just mask it by using approximately half a bottle of perfume or cologne to cover it up. The more, the better.
10. When it comes time to get off the plane, right when hearing the “ding†that signals it is time to stand, it’s important to get up as quickly as a rocket and stretch your legs in the aisle. Do some lunges or arm stretches. If you have a heavy bag in the overhead, another passenger’s head or shoulders can soften the strain on your joints as you pull it down. Take your time arranging your belongings since you have plenty of room and time to do so in the aisle. Everyone behind you is watching how carefully you are sorting through all your belongings and rearranging them before walking off.
As you make your way off the plane slowly, you may be lucky enough to catch a few glances of admiration in your direction. You can now congratulate yourself on a job well-done. Most annoying passenger on the plane, accomplished!
Did I leave out any helpful tips? Share one of yours in the comments below to enter today’s daily drawing for a holiday goodie bag. Contest ends at 9pm PST, and you can click here to read full contest rules.
I eat lot
Yes! Preach it!
To the gentleman who planted his arms on the armrests and in my ribs for the two hour flight then yelled and pushed my arm owhen I claimed one armrest when he got up to use the lav.
Annoying – well done!
I read this out loud for a family member. Laughed hysterically. We will be flying home this week.
Loudly eat throughout the entire flight.
the woman behind me decided to paint her nails during an 1 1/2 flight nauseating… she also bath herself in perfume!!! not pleasant and kept banging my seat back
Have an iPad to entertain your kid, but make sure to put the volume up and not give them headphones
Or if you have no kid, make sure to play your iPad game with the volume up
The more beans you eat, the merrier!
do yoga in front of me in my exit row seat.
Upon landing, when finished with your chewing gum, do not throw it on the floot, or stick it under the seat. Instead, tear off a page of the in-flight magazine and stow it away in the seat compartment.
ok i love babies dont get me wrong..but on a round trip to australia i was seated with a family that had babies..that was one long trek across the ocean with a baby in my lap almost half the time..i would wake up with the baby sticking fingers in my mouth..lol
There definitely are a lot of pet peeves with flying. I try my best to be patient with people, especially people traveling with kids. I also try my best to be aware of people around me. Too bad everyone can’t do that, right?
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Load any plane with as many bags you can including laptop, roller board, shopping and if female a large purse.
When you are trying to grab your bag in the overhead locker and get off the plane but the people in the aisle won’t move because they must rush to be.first off the plane. Rude!
Ask to trade your middle seat for my aisle seat so you can sit next to your wife.
Please be sure to lean away and send all your farts my direction instead of relieving yourself in the restroom.
I recently had a flight where a fellow passenger ate a sandwich so odorous that the captain could smell it in the cockpit and made an announcement about it.
Please complain to me the whole flight after the FA won’t let you switch to the premium economy seats for free.
Please talk to me for the whole flight seat mate, I’m not trying to relax or take a nap or anything…
Wear the strongest “Old Lady” perfume you have.. and lots of it so everyone can enjoy it as much as you do!
It really bugs me when I have a middle seat and the person in the aisle seat hogs both of their armrests.
Great job! I would add to be sure to turn your air vent toward your seatmate. I would put double emphasis on placing a tiny shopping bag in the overhead bin next to your roller bag after the gate agent has announced seven times that this is a completely full flight and we will need to gate check bags.
Make sure to talk loudly on your phone until the last possible minute and again soon as you land! In between, play on your phone or tablet without a headset so we can all hear the annoying chimes and dings over and over….
Hovering around the gate is the worst!
Pet peeve .. Keep asking me to get up and move .. I am in the isle – you are at the window .. how many times do you need to go to the washroom or walk around? ..
Wow you captured all my pet peeves it’s as if I wrote this myself.
I would add being the loud obnoxious “America” when overseas. I was so embarrassed when I was passing through Narita and this fellow American was loudly yelling at this petite polite soft spoken gate agent when she missed her flight. You can always tell
Order something from the cart (beverage, snack box), but definitely don’t have your credit card ready. Better yet, have your credit card stowed in the overhead bin – that way, not only does it take 10 minutes to complete the purchase, you also have to physically disrupt your fellow passengers and their bags.
Make sure to monopolize the armrest!
You captured most. I would add bringing the smelliest to go food. Nothing is better than the strong smell of onions. ✈️
If you have a bulk head seat, be sure to put your feet up, that’s what it’s there for. Socks, of course, are optional
Gate hovering is the worst, and trying to board when it’s not your group.
People who have no respect for personal space.
When sitting in the window seat, take your shoes off and prop your foot up between the seat in front of you and the wall. That “armrest” is really meant to be a footrest for you.
Take a long while deciding on your food choice in international economy. When you’re sitting in row 30, and you’ve heard the phrase “chicken or pasta” dozens of times, don’t suddenly seem surprised that you have to make the same life-altering choice.
I worked hard and finally earned the right to sit in the front of the plane on a flight fron SF to NY. The fella traveling next to me had a small lap dog. The fella opened the carrier, then promptly fell asleep and his dog jumped on my lap and spilled my red wine. I love animals, but animal owners…
Love it!!! Can I add sleep on the shoulder of a complete stranger? I don’t mind since I have never met you if you lean my way for a bit and then fall asleep on my shoulder. Whats personal space? Whats mine is yours!
This did happen on the way back from Philly this fall, dude kept sliding my way and I was trying to discretely wake or make him go the other way toward the aisle. He woke up and acted like it never happened. Ughhhh! I like my little bit of space.
Barrel your way to the front of the plane as soon as it lands. Don’t worry about everyone else trying to disembark too!
Don’t forget to bring a tuna fish sandwich along to eat during your flight!
Lol, yes, hovering near the gate 30+ minutes prior to boarding!
Talk and talk more.